September 22, 2011

Eventer - *

The old nervousness welled up within me when she put the red and black vertical, the second part of a two-stride, up to 2'3.  It looked as imposing as the Great Wall of China.  I might have jumped that high before in college, but if I did, I guarantee I was terrified and focused only on surviving to the other side of the fence.

For a second, I thought about saying something, but then I sucked it up and dealt with the fear the way I normally do: in silence.  I mentally prepared myself, picked up the canter, and went.  If it weren't for the trust I had in her, I wouldn't have done that, but I know her well enough to know that she won't overface me.

I knew that I didn't have enough pace, but I didn't have enough time to fix it, so I found myself facing that massive vertical with a long spot.  I got jumped out of the tack as a result, but when I landed on the other side, I realized that that had NOT been as bad as I thought it was, and that I actually knew what I needed to fix, how I needed to fix it.  I wanted a second chance, which was not a feeling I've had with "tall" (stop laughing, okay?) fences before.

The second time around, I had a good pace, saw my distance, and did it.  I jumped that thing like it was a cross rail, or just another canter stride.  I felt so in sync with my horse, and in that moment, I realized two things: first, I realized why people enjoy jumping so much.  Second, I realized for the first time that the old fear is going away, and in it's place is a confidence that's going to allow me to do things I've always dreamed of doing, like eventing.  That's such a brand new feeling for me.  I felt like I would always have to be an eventer with an asterisk, like, eventer*.  But instead I really feel like, if I keep continuing on this path with my trainer, I can eventually be an eventer without an asterisk.

Here's to being an eventer without an asterisk!

1 comment:

  1. Great job! Mental pep talks can work wonders...that and lots of faith.