The old nervousness welled up within me when she put the red and black vertical, the second part of a two-stride, up to 2'3. It looked as imposing as the Great Wall of China. I might have jumped that high before in college, but if I did, I guarantee I was terrified and focused only on surviving to the other side of the fence.
For a second, I thought about saying something, but then I sucked it up and dealt with the fear the way I normally do: in silence. I mentally prepared myself, picked up the canter, and went. If it weren't for the trust I had in her, I wouldn't have done that, but I know her well enough to know that she won't overface me.
I knew that I didn't have enough pace, but I didn't have enough time to fix it, so I found myself facing that massive vertical with a long spot. I got jumped out of the tack as a result, but when I landed on the other side, I realized that that had NOT been as bad as I thought it was, and that I actually knew what I needed to fix, how I needed to fix it. I wanted a second chance, which was not a feeling I've had with "tall" (stop laughing, okay?) fences before.
The second time around, I had a good pace, saw my distance, and did it. I jumped that thing like it was a cross rail, or just another canter stride. I felt so in sync with my horse, and in that moment, I realized two things: first, I realized why people enjoy jumping so much. Second, I realized for the first time that the old fear is going away, and in it's place is a confidence that's going to allow me to do things I've always dreamed of doing, like eventing. That's such a brand new feeling for me. I felt like I would always have to be an eventer with an asterisk, like, eventer*. But instead I really feel like, if I keep continuing on this path with my trainer, I can eventually be an eventer without an asterisk.
Here's to being an eventer without an asterisk!
Guest Photographer in Panama
17 hours ago
Great job! Mental pep talks can work wonders...that and lots of faith.
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