Cob Jockey

I talked a lot about Connor yesterday, but I want to talk about me today.

#1: My abs were sore the day after my lesson, which has never happened before.

#2: I don't even recognize my own riding in the videos.

#3: Connor didn't get mad at me a single time during this ride.  

Remember almost a month ago when I vowed to buckle down on core activation and Pilates after my last lesson? When Connor was mad at me for not riding as well as CGP? Since then, I no longer let myself lounge around in bed. Every morning, five days a week, I'm up as soon as my alarm goes off to get at least a half hour in at home, with one session a week being 50 minutes long with my instructor in her studio. 

Every morning, I lay there and think "I don't want my horse to hate my riding," and turns out that's pretty damn motivating even when bed is warm and cozy, the sun doesn't rise til 8:15am (thanks, Indiana) and our bedroom is a delightful 59 degrees.

Reminder that I am not too far removed from riding like this:

PC: Connor's breeder, I think?

PC: Austen

So to see and feel myself with my core engaged and my front line generally shorter than my back line, well, it's just amazing.

Even when my body was exhausted and my core could not stay with him anymore at the end of a long diagonal in his new big medium trot, I still didn't completely fall apart or start pulling. In fact, I realized after this ride that CGP didn't yell at me for pulling a single time.

Peep that pony-sized reach, yo!

When I engage my core on him now, it feels like I'm wearing a corset, or a back brace or my weight belt. It feels like two solid iron bars start below my nipples and tie in between my hip bones. I can feel my pelvis "sit deep" when my core is engaged like that, and while I can't say I can maintain it every moment of every ride, I'm aware of and annoyed by the instability created when my core isn't engaged, so I'll usually fix it pretty quickly.

This rider, from two years ago next month, had no awareness of that instability...clearly, lol:

Poor, poor, patient pony

A lot has changed for us this year, and certainly Connor being more responsible for himself makes it a lot easier for me to work on me, but Pilates has had more of an impact on my biomechanics than all the lessons I've taken this year combined. 

It feels so good to know that it wasn't my inability to learn all these years, it was my body literally holding me back from implementing trainer feedback. (Well, I'm still a slow learner, but at least the deck isn't stacked against me physically anymore!) 

Me: "I don't need another hobby, this is temporary." Also me: "Whole room for my new hobby, don't mind if I do!"

I shudder to think what my lease with Aeres would be like if I was still riding with my pre-Pilates inflexible lower back and my core muscles that I literally could not activate, the nerves had become so inactive over the years from disuse. She would have tossed me, lol. She barely tolerates even the level of instability in my position now, which has been a GREAT help in getting me to ride better while Connor is gone.

Aeres doesn't know it, but she's REAL thankful she didn't know me before Pilates, lol.

 

So yeah, this is my PSA, if you find yourself struggling in the saddle, don't hesitate to reach for help from non-equestrians that know nothing about horses. You might just find it was exactly what you needed all along.

Me: "I can't afford three hobbies, so I'm going to treat Pilates like physical therapy and just do it for a couple months to fix my issues and then quit."

Also me: 

*not its final location in my house

I was coming down to the end of my 50 minutes 3x a week Reformer Pilates personal training package, and it was time to make a decision on whether Pilates is a long term thing for me or not. It has honestly surprised me how much I've enjoyed it, and that's before we take into account what it's done for my riding.

It's not the only thing that's helped us improve so much this summer, but it's definitely a big part of it.

I started thinking about how to fit it into my budget long term, and realized that ideally I wanted a Reformer at home, both to make Pilates more cost effective and to pandemic-proof my life. (I'm operating on the assumption we're going to be quarantined again this winter until proven wrong. And I do hope I'm wrong.)

I had been casually stalking Facebook Marketplace and Craigslist enough to know that a Reformer would be a big investment - the cheap ones cost $2,000, the expensive ones cost $5,000, they almost NEVER come up used,  and when they do, they hold their resale value well. But of course, my husband says I have a magical superpower for bending Facebook Marketplace to my iron will and low budget, so I found the exact same studio-grade Reformer my instructor has, plus accessories, for 1/4th of what it costs new. Nevermind that I had to schlep the World's Tiniest Horse Trailer 7 hours roundtrip for it.

The Shadow's box trailer configuration is the feature I use the least, but damn is it nice when I need it

The girl's husband was like "Is this really going to fit in that little trailer?" when I pulled up. Son, please.

Made it by an inch, lol

So yeah, even though I said I wouldn't, I have three hobbies now. I'm going to drop back to 1x a week with my instructor and practice at home the rest of the time, which means this Reformer will pay itself off in about two months. Pilates feels like a long-term investment in my own "soundness", just like CrossFit feels like a long-term investment in my own health and fitness, and I'm excited to see what it continues to do for my riding over time.

While it's definitely, definitely difficult being away from Connor this long, there are some silver linings, and one of which has been slowing down and taking the time to figure out and fix some fascinating long standing body issues. Also, in the process of that, I injured myself, so that's cool.

I am just now understanding how weak my core is compared to my back.  It started a few months ago when I asked my CrossFit coach to watch me do abmat situps and help me figure out why I have ALWAYS been so much slower than everyone else at them, even people brand new to CrossFit.

He told me I actually wasn't using my abs at all to do them, but I was instead using my hip flexors to sort of kip them.  He put a pair of 30lb dumbbells over my feet, which I thought would make them easier but actually made them harder, because it forced me to use my abs.  This was step 1, and for the first time after this I actually started to see some ab definition!


Step 2 in this journey was Pilates.  I cannot, at all, do a roll-up (photo below) unless I use momentum.  Part of this is how weak my abs are, and part of it, she pointed out, is how inflexible my lower back is.  We worked on strengthening my abs and loosening my lower back, and I wondered if my inflexible lower back is what Nancy K meant when she said "Something about the way you sit on the horse shuts his movement down."  If I'm not absorbing the motion in my lower back because it's so inflexible I actually can't, that movement is probably being transmitted harshly back to the horse - I think.


Step 3 was that I strained my "strong side" SI.  I've never done that before, heck, I've never been injured before in any way!  With the (remote) help of a PT friend, I figured out it's because I've been dramatically over-using my back for everything, and because my right side glute/leg is so much stronger than the left. It's an overuse injury waiting to happen, and it finally did.

Me pointing to where it hurts for my PT friend (after texting his wife to let her know I was sending her husband a picture of my butt, and she said "Girl you don't need to ask my permission but thanks for letting me know cause I'm gonna check your butt out too!" hahaha)

He gave me a set of exercises to heal my SI and a second set to help me reset my pelvis and strengthen my abs - and they are HARD.  The takeaway here is that even as strong as I am, my strength is built entirely around overcompensating for weaknesses in my body.  And that has no doubt been affecting the way I ride.  I don't have the core strength or brain-muscle connection to maintain my bear down for long.

Trying to continue working out body parts that don't hurt

Normally I'm not sure I'd have the time or attention span to do 90 minutes of PT and Pilates every day on top of working out for an hour, but like, what else am I going to do with my time right now?  And it's nice to still feel like I'm working on riding even if I'm out of the saddle.

Anyone else exercising or mobilizing in captivity?

On Monday, my Pilates instructor had me do exercises that only engaged one side of my body at a time, and during them she had to keep squaring my hips up for me - as in, she had to take my hips in her hands and move them for me.  I didn't have the self-awareness to know when they were out of level myself, but the left one was constantly lower than the right (as in, if you were facing me, my left hip would be closer to the ground than my right hip).  And it's not a leg length problem, it's a physical imbalance that has almost certainly developed over time.

Unrelated, hit a 200lb deadlift at 115lb bodyweight yesterday!  My first ever 200lb lift of any kind.  I don't normally do this but since it was a lifting workout and work scheduled a mandatory webinar during my noon class time, I watched it during class 😂  With the coach's permission!

All week since then, I've paid attention to that.  And  I've noticed I stand with the left hip lower than the right.  I've noticed that I run with the left one lower than the right (hello, possible cause of the left hip socket pain I get after I run more than a few miles?).  I noticed it in air squats, I noticed it sitting in my office chair.  I noticed it walking, which explains why my shoes wear totally differently.  I pointed it out to my husband, who told me to walk toward him, and he was like "Holy COW I've never noticed it before but there's a huge difference between your hips when you walk."

I also noticed it in the saddle.  And a lot of things started to make sense.

I know he's standing like a total goob here but LOOK AT MY HORSE'S ABS AND BUTT!!!  He's starting to look like a Quarter Horse.

Remember when JenJ pointed out my floating right hand in January and I filed that away for later because I didn't know what was causing that?  Turns out I only feel the need to do that when I'm tipped off to the left with my left hip lower than my right.  And what about my trainer telling me to lengthen my right side, dating back to, oh, years ago?  My saddle needing reflocked on the left side?  The feeling that I get in my seatbones, where my right one wants to glide along on a level plane, while my left one sort of rotates forward and down?  Our left bend struggles and trouble getting the left hind under his body?

Oh look, it me, sitting to the left with my right hand floating across the neck.  Bet I can find dozens of pictures just like this one (sorry, Griffy)

I put this to the test in a ride last night, although it was difficult and required a ton of concentration since I clearly don't have great proprioception for this.  But getting my hips level and my torso centered over him turned him into putty underneath me at moments when I'm used to a struggle.  It's not like it fixed everything, but a lot of things went from "straight up difficult" to "easier" immediately, and I could feel him relax, especially on the left rein, when I put my body "over the right side" (to my brain, which really meant straight and level).

Take me baaaaaaaaaaack.  Oh wait, just sent my deposit in for May!  I AM going back!

Based on what I know about mobility from CrossFit, I would guess that when I'm doing my bear down properly, my core tension doesn't allow my hips to go crooked, which is one reason Connor goes better at MW clinics and during GP trainer lessons, where we typically start with evaluating the bear down.

Lots and lots to unpack here, I'm really looking forward to tackling this imbalance and figuring out where else it has been causing me problems!

This week, I started Pilates.

Last week my barnmate was telling me about how she took up 1:1 Pilates lessons and how much it's helping her riding.  She was demonstrating one of the exercises to me, and said "And this is when the instructor poked my abs and said 'This side of your abs is a lot smaller than the other side!'"

Barn aisle Pilates, and an old man QH that has no idea WTF his owner is doing down there, haha

Oh, you mean like when Kate poked me in the stomach and said "You have no abs over here!"?  Yeah, I need that in my life!

Two things finally convinced me to sign up: first, finding out how crooked I had made Connor, and second, I was doing handstand pushups in CrossFit recently and became conscious of the fact that when my hands were even, my torso felt crooked, and when my hands were crooked, my torso felt straight.  Crooked is clearly normal to my brain, and it's going to take work outside the gym and saddle to fix it.  I signed up for three 50 minute personal sessions per week for 10 weeks, an amount which, according to a famous Joseph Pilates quote, should 'give me a whole new body'.  We'll see.

"But I like my body" - Hank

I've never been much of a Yoga person - it's a little too 'woo woo' for my brain.  I've always lumped Pilates in with Yoga mentally, although I'd never actually tried Pilates before.  But it wasn't anything like I expected it to be, in a good way.  This instructor does Reformer Pilates, aka Machine Pilates.

Not me, obvs, but this is a position I've found myself in a lot lately

Reformer Pilates uses spring resistance, cables and a sliding pad with shoulder stops to work your core/shoulders and give you awareness of your body.  I'm in the best shape of my life from a strength training perspective (two lifetime PRs in the last week, on power clean and front squat!) but I still find even the intro Pilates exercises challenging.  And it's making my abs sore.

It's really a great complement to CrossFit, in that machine Pilates doesn't give you a choice but to work muscles that you can find ways to work around in the gym.  Like the lower abs (hello MW).  And being in the shoulder pads on the Reformer, you can't be crooked while you do these.

There's other equipment too, like the chair, which I found devilishly difficult.  Especially when she told me to use my weak abs to move it and not my strong legs.

Looking forward to see what this does for me over the next 2.5 months!  Anyone else ever turned to Pilates to help them in the saddle?

When I rode the Haffies, Jen kept getting onto me about my right hand/forearm raising and coming to or across the neck, especially when I was turning left - something I'd never noticed before.  But, like anything else, once I realized it, I noticed I was doing it a lot. Next I had to figure out WHY I felt I had to do that.  I tucked that in my brain for later.

Right Arm, where u going?

Then I got my own Equicube, after trying JenJ's.  On Griffy, I found it hard but not impossible to keep him straight and steer while holding it.  Cube straight = horse straight.


On Connor, that concept went to hell in the most fascinating way.  With the cube dead straight, his neck was curved out from the base of the neck on the right rein (or in on the left rein), even though he was weighting the inside fore more, and I could not get him to go straight.

I didn't really know why until the vet looked at him for chiro and said, "His neck is an "S" shape if you look at it from the top.  The bulk of his muscles are on the left side of the neck near the poll, and in a knot at the base of his neck on the right side."


Well, s***.  That's my fault.  I'll cut through my diagnostic process and tell you what I've figured out:

- I have a hard time activating my left shoulder/sliding my left shoulder blade into the pocket at all times, not just in the saddle, which means that I'm constantly giving that left shoulder/left side of my body forward.

- Since I'm not plugged in with the left shoulder, my core isn't supporting me on the left

- Combine those things with an lack of self-awareness and the Equicube making me actually look at whether my reins are even or not, and you get...I think I've been riding with my reins for two different length for a while. And crooked feels even to me, because my torso is crooked.  Intentionally holding the reins the same length feels crooked to me.  My brain's whole perception of straight on the horse is wrong.



Connor's always been a tough ride to the left and had a real problem shortening his left side and engaging the left hind.  But now I've created a horse that's still a tough ride to the left AND has developed muscles that will make it even harder for him to do what he should be doing on that side.

And like anything else, I created it, and now I get the pleasure of solving the puzzle of how to un-create it.  Both the human and the horse.

Guess who started taking private Pilates lessons yesterday?

This is not Pilates ^