Cob Jockey

*tap tap* Is this thing on? I haven't done a product review in so long, it feels weird. Oh well, here goes. These are on sale this weekend for Black Friday so I wanted to get this out ASAP.

Pictured in the background: my Jurassic Park fence extension I had to add because my 42lb rescue mutt can jump my 6ft privacy fence without touching it. Good times.

Over two years ago, I reviewed the Piper Heavy-Weight Winter Tight by Smartpak, and concluded that they were the best winter tights I'd ever found, except that the sizing was tricky. Well, that turned out to be an understatement. In both the XS and S sizes the damn things stretched out as I wore them and slid down, like, over my butt! I ended up only keeping one pair and only wearing them with my Underarmour 4.0 under them as protection.

1.0's, from the original product post. Baggyyyyyy.

I wasn't alone - the reviews were full of people saying the same thing. It seemed that no matter what body type you were and what size you chose, you would eventually moon someone while wearing these. Which is a shame, because I have never found another pair of winter tights that are warmer, more comfortable or more functional.

I am happy to report they finally came out with a new model, the Piper Heavy-Weight Winter Tight II by Smartpak, which changed nothing except the fit, and it does seem to have solved the "moon" problem, at least for my body type.

I got dressed up in a ridiculous outfit just for some legit product photos of these for you guys, please appreciate, lol. Shirt by Equestrian Stockholm, hat from the Royal.

Let's get the big thing out of the way first: they didn't change a single feature. Still the same silicone dots, still a cell phone pocket on both sides, still heavy velour? inside material, still yoga pant-like outside material.

The inside is SO DAMN WARM.

These are all great things. In winter, I want comfort, warmth (REAL warmth, this is Indiana we're talking about), and as little fuss as possible, and both the old and new models smash all that out of the park.

What did change: sizing. I am not quite 5'1 and an hourglass-shaped body-by-CrossFit 120lbs with most of that being in my butt and thighs (holllaaaaa hit a 185lb back squat last week with that butt and thighs!). 

In the 2.0 model of these tights, I can barely get the XS on. Even over my calves! 

 

That said - I am wearing the XS in all of these photos, because they do stretch as you wear them. And they don't fall down. THAT said - I would struggle to put my Underarmour 4.0 underneath the XS. But that's okay. 

Hear me out - even though I can barely get them on at first, XS IS THE RIGHT SIZE FOR ME. If you buy these and try them on and worry they're too small at first, don't panic. Wear them around the house for an hour and see if you change your mind. You probably will.

 

Bottom line: These are such good I-live-where-it-actually-gets-cold winter tights, and they have so little competition for being as good as they are that I do recommend giving them a shot if you live in a cold climate, but sizing is tricky and keep in mind that they do stretch as you wear them. I recommend trying your regular size and not panicking when they feel too tight at first. On some body types, especially if you size up, they may still fall down. But not on me!

What: Piper Heavy-Weight Winter Tight II by SmartPak - Full Seat

Sizes: XS-XXL

Colors: Black, Grey

Price: $82.95 with discounts available for USEF members and supplement auto-ship members (currently $59 with code BF2023 and the USEF discount stacked)

Disclaimer: Bought these with my own hard earned money, and I am not affiliated with nor being compensated by SmartPak in any way.

Posting this today because SP is running a 15% off Labor Day sale, so if you want to order these, now is a good time!

I have a few very specific requirements for winter riding pants:

• They need to be WARM down to truly unreasonable temperatures
• They need to be as comfortable as sweatpants. Winter is a time of survival, not fashion.
  
• They need to hold up to doing chores in them.
• Silicone full seats are life.
  

I've tried a few pairs to this point - TuffRider was warm but ugly, Horze absolutely MURDERED my lady bits (who puts a raised four-way seam THERE, seriously?! Probably a man...), and Kerrits suffered badly in the quality and longevity department - zippers that stopped working, fabric that snagged if you looked at it funny, and unimpressive, plasticky silicone.

But these. These are almost perfect. Smartpak hit it out of the park.

They tick the most basic of requirements these days: a side pocket. On both sides.

 

I actually bought these last year in October, and they sold out shortly after I bought them. They never came back in stock, and I didn't want to review something you guys couldn't buy, so I held off. But they're back! And that means this is more of a long-term review, since I wore them all last winter.

Proof that this pair have been heavily used and extensively tested!

They have a mid-weight version (that I haven't tried yet) and these heavyweights. And they are HEAVY. They feel heavy just to hold, which is partially because of this ultra luxurious, almost fur-like lining:

Reeeeeeeeally can't understate how comfy this lining is. I kind of hope the silicone falls off at some point so I can wear these around my (very cold) house all winter, lol.

 

The outside is a knit fabric that sheds hay nicely and hasn't pilled at all after an entire season of use. It's not going to snag if you run into a sharp corner either.

Fit is super tricky - don't let the fit out of the box fool you: these do stretch as you wear them. You'll want to size down unless you're planning on always wearing a layer underneath them. I bought these in Small so that I could fit my UnderArmour 4.0 under them, and they work well for that, but I'm planning to buy more in XS because the smalls sag badly when I wear them by themselves.

I'm wearing them by themselves here, and you can see they're pretty baggy. Do keep in mind this is the wrong size for me without something underneath. I'll post an updated fit pic when my XS get here.

For sizing reference, I'm 5'1 and 115lbs, am a 24 in Tredstep and ELT breeches, a 26 in Ovation breeches, an XS in Irideon tights, and a Small in Kerrits tights.

The length is what it is on 5'1 me. They're too long, but nobody makes petite breeches, so this is how long all my breeches are. #wesufferinsilence

I long to be one of those girls that can wear cute riding socks on the outside of her breeches, but I try it and I'm like "why does this look so bad on me?" and it's like "Oh right, because a bunch of extra bunched up fabric at the ankles under socks is not a good look"

In terms of warmth, a normal human would be good in these by themselves down to maybe the low 20s/upper teens Fahrenheit. I'm an actual lizard with Reynauds, so I use my UA4.0 with them below about 30F, and last winter I was just fine or even hot in that setup - even when I was at the barn with the vet and Aeres when it was a low of 8F. They are not waterproof or even water resistant, nor are they windproof, although I would call them "wind-resistant".

Finally, as a silicone full seat connoisseur, this is a middle-of-the-road, crowd pleasing level of grip. It's not going to glue your butt to the saddle, but it's not nothing either. And they do make a knee patch version, if you prefer. 

One reviewer noted the silicone started to fall off on hers after "1-2 seasons", but I can't speak to how she washes them. That has not happened to me washing them about once a week on delicates/cold and hang drying them from October-March of last year, so I feel pretty good about their longevity at this point.

Not a single dot missing after one season of use. And yes, there's dog hair on them in every one of these pictures, welcome to my life

Bottom line: I have yet to find a warmer, more comfortable, more durable pair of winter tights than these, and I wholeheartedly recommend them, but the sizing is tricky.

 

What: Piper Heavy-Weight Winter Tight by SmartPak - Full Seat

Sizes: XS-XXL

Colors: Black, Grey, Navy

Price: $89.95 with discounts available for USEF members and supplement auto-ship members

Disclaimer: Bought these with my own hard earned money, and I am not affiliated with nor being compensated by SmartPak in any way.

(Alternate title: How I became a full seat silicone breeches convert)

I have never really cared whether I'm in full seats or knee patch breeches.  I've shown in full seats but schooled in knee patch for years and I just never noticed a difference.

That is, until recently.

Riding Warehouse had some of those Ovation Aqua-X full seat breeches on clearance that several bloggers have raved about, and they had the cutest cross hatch silicone pattern on them, so I figured I'd give them a try.  I'm running woefully low on Irideon tights these days anyway.

At first, I didn't notice much of a difference between full seat and knee patch in the saddle, except that in the fullseats I got hopelessly stuck to my leather truck seats.


I had ridden in those breeches for the entire Mary clinic, and I didn't realize until I wore my insulated winter knee patch tights to my lesson a couple weeks ago just how much I've been relying on the silicone to keep me stuck to the correct place in my jump saddle, which I do have to fight the slightest bit to keep my leg in a good Dressage position.

Wearing them for Mary

Between being sore, and wearing what felt like frictionless pants, I almost didn't have a prayer of keeping my leg in the right place.  Yes, that would be less of an issue in a proper Dressage saddle, but this is where I am right now.  I promptly went home and bought a pair of silicone full seat winter breeches, because for the first time in my life, I'm a convert.

Same breeches, but in black

Beyond that, what do I think of these?  For starters, they seem to run big.  I'm normally a 22 or 24 in breches, but the smallest these come in is 26 and that fits me great. (For comparison, I'm a 22 in Ariat and SmartPak, 24 in Equine Couture and Cavallo, child's XL in Irideon tights and a 30 in the (old?) Gho Dho sizing).

Size 26

The length is hopeless on a short person, but not so off that they're unwearable.  They go all the way down to my ankles, and the calves are pretty baggy, but neither one of those things is a problem in the saddle.  They gap just a bit on me at the waist, but I have a fairly extreme hip/waist ratio so that's not surprising.  I never wear them without a belt.


I do think the fabric tends to stain easily, but I've been pretty vigilant about my ScotchGuarding and so far, so good.  The real star though is how cool you stay in these breeches while riding in the heat.  They did such a good job, I replaced my 10-year-old-but-still-look-great TuffRider show breeches with them, which are great breeches but the furthest thing from "cool", and with how many times I showed this year above the 90 degree mark, it seemed like a worthwhile (still on clearance!) investment.

Bottom line: A great option if you ride in hot weather!  Pay attention to sizing.

What: Ovation Aqua-X Full Seat Silicone Grip Breeches
Price: $82.88 on clearance at RW (I paid $75 with my US Rider discount)
Sizes: 26-34
Colors: Black, White

Up until last year I only rode in tights unless I was going to a show.  Last summer I started adulting and wearing breeches to school most of the time, but I only own turquoise and purple.  Not exactly clinic colors!

They're a really pretty turquoise though.

That meant I needed to go shopping before Tuesday.  After a failed order of Pipers, I went to our only local tack store (which is still over an hour from me!) Grand Champion Tack and Saddlery in Indianapolis.  A friend from college that graduated with me works there, so I always enjoy going.  I thought I'd share what I tried on.

First up: Sarm Hippique full seats.  $349!  They were a 26 and fit everywhere but the waist.  Check out that gap!  I have no idea what type of human this is meant to fit but it's not me!

Seriously...wat.

They looked great aside from that though:


Next up: USG full seats in size 24.  I think these were $200ish?  These actually fit great, but they only had them in black.



Then I tried on some FITS full seat tights in XS, and I don't have any pictures of them because despite them having an elastic waist I could barely get them above my knees!  Again, I don't know what shape human those are meant to fit, but it's not me.  It's been my general experience that FITS waists run tighter than any other brand, even if the rest of it fits.

Finally I tried on some GhoDho breeches.  First in size 26, which again I couldn't get above my thighs, so I tried on the only other pair they had, a 30:


Those ended up being the winners.  I love them.  And I kinda want them in that dusty purple/pink/mauve too, but I restrained myself.


Never thought I'd be the kind of person to pull off shiny black fake crocodile knee patches, but here we are!



For the record - if you're keeping score - I'm 5'1/110lbs and I'm a 22 in Ariat, a 24 in Pipers and USGs, a 26 in Sarm Hippique and a 30 in GhoDho (and the biggest size they make is a 32 - WTF!).  Breeches sizing is STUPID!

This Ariat winter coat on end-of-season clearance for $36 also went home with me because...duh, $36!

Thanks for the hospitality, Grand Champion!

I wrote last weekend about how I was underdressed for the clinic because Tucker escaped:

His favorite place, the vent.

and I had to slide tackle him in my only pair of tan breeches in order to recapture him.  Husky owners will understand my pain.

So since I wasn't a fan of my old breeches anyway:

Let's just say they did nothing for my figure...

and I was even less of a fan with them with a new hole and some grass stains, and since I only wear breeches for clinics and shows, (aka, a few times a year), I decided to splurge on nice ones that will last forever.

Of course, part of that decision was made when I realized that it's next to impossible to find good breeches used/for cheap, and if I would have to spend $90 on mediocre breeches, then dammit, I'm spending $139 on amazing breeches.  Enter the Tredstep Rosa Symphony No. 3 Full Seat breeches:


The weirdest thing happened - I put them on and immediately wanted to put on a collared shirt, a belt and school in my show boots for my lesson.  So I did.

If you are not familiar with them, these are the breeches that repel everything - the TS Evolution Fabric.  It sounded like something my coffee-spilling self should invest in.



Likes:
- The "Motion Fit Definition Waistband."  I have a 24" waist and 35" hip, so every waistband gaps on me, and these things only gap the tiniest bit.  Big improvement from my Dressage phase breeches, the white TuffRider full seats, and I am already hankering to replace those with a white pair of the Tredsteps.

But let's be honest, it's going to take a lot more than a gapping waistband to get me to part with my money for show apparel.  These TuffRiders are going to stick around another 20 years, mark my words.

- Sock bottoms.  Totally comfortable - in fact, the first time I've felt okay putting my socks on the outside of my breeches, which is the only way I feel like it looks okay without half chaps or tall boots.  I know that's weird.
- Construction.  If I paid that much for them, they better feel solid, and these deliver.
- The everything-repelling fabric.  Apparently you don't have to wash them as often; at the very least, my Stockholm Syndrome dog jumping on me didn't leave dirt stains at the barn.

Stockholm Syndrome: this dog has it, for me.

- Cute details.  Although I feel weird liking a ribbon detail on the inside of my waistband that only I am going to see (I'd say my husband might see it too, but he thinks breeches are the antithesis of an aphrodisiac.  Can't say I blame him, really.), it's just a fun detail.

Photo courtesy of EquestrianStylist.com.

Dislikes:
- If I leave my fly down, people are going to NOTICE.  See the above picture.
- The usual "pulling at the crotch in the saddle" problem with full seats.  I've yet to have a pair of full-seats not have this problem, though my trainer says that FITS has it figured out with the unattached crotch/butt full seat panels.  Unfortunately, $225 breeches are out of my budget, even for forever breeches, so I'll deal with what I can afford.
- They felt bulky, but then...they're breeches, and I only ever ride in tights.  I don't feel like I'm in a position to judge closeness of feel very accurately.

To be honest, I just got full-seats to fit in with my people.  I don't feel that much stickier in them.  Should I?  Oh well, I AM AN EVENTER!  And my butt (that should be out of the saddle more often) now says it's so.

That nametag sticker has been on my mirror since high school freshman orientation, when I was an 8th grader.  2002-ish.

L. Williams, where you at?  I wore a belt and a polo and breeches to a lesson!

College Graduation

Hello to all of the many people visiting me for the first time!  I want to send out a huge thank you to Stacey Kimmel-Smith of Behind the Bit and TuffRider for her contest and their generous donation of the Zoe Coolmax Show Shirt and Kashmere Full Seat Breeches.  With being a newlywed, buying our first house this week, and beginning Dressage lessons all at once, I was wondering how I was going to tell my husband my old hunt seat horse show clothes had finally bit it and I needed to replace them before my first Dressage show next month.  Now I don't have to!

The site of my Dressage education.

My entry into the contest follows. Feel free to introduce yourselves, I'd love to meet you!

The most important trait of a good show outfit is that it makes you feel confident, relaxed and in charge of the ring. You shouldn’t have to worry about too-long sleeves, a baggy jacket, non-breathable material in the hot sun, or itchy breeches. You’re there to ride and look damn good doing it, and the outfit needs to help that cause, not hinder it.

Now for my reasons.
1. As of three months ago, I was a lifelong hunt seat rider. My plaid coat, pinstriped show shirts, and olive green Ariat Pro Circuit breeches are going to identify my former life so quickly, the judge won’t even have to watch my ride to know what to write down: “Rider seems tense and forward,” “Relax through the ankles,” and “Rider: there are no fences anywhere in this arena.” I can see it now.

2. All of my breeches and tights currently have at least one hole in them. Including my “show breeches”. Every. Single. Pair. (Except this one pair that I bought when I was 20lbs heavier. When I wear them people laugh and ask if “saggin’ baggin’” is the new look for 2011.) It’s probably because I haven’t purchased a new pair since high school, but who’s counting?

3. Full seat breeches: What am I missing out on? Would they make me stop sliding around so much in the saddle? Is this the holy grail of riding attire that I am missing out on? I wouldn’t know, because they’ve never graced my rear before.

4. Street cred: I have destroyed what little I may have had at my new Dressage barn. First I show up in half chaps and jeans, then I get on the horse with my hip angle so closed that all the teenage Dressage Queens at the barn wondered if I had a stomach ache. I’m hoping that maybe with discipline-appropriate show clothes I would gain a few shreds of my pride back.

5. My horse is embarrassed. Yes, the 23 year old gentleman that I ride each week has threatened to end our relationship if I show up in the show ring wearing “that.” He knows Dressage way better than I do (Thank God he remembers that we have to halt and salute at X, because sometimes I don't) and he’s afraid of what his buddies will say about his choice in people when we go to our first show in April.

I rest my case.